86% of cat owners don’t even know they’ve experienced these thought patterns.
1. We have entire conversations with them where we talk back to ourselves in the cat’s pretend voice
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2. We’ve somehow accepted the fact that something’s going to be destroyed every time we come home
3. We trick ourselves into thinking they love picture time, even though photo evidence says otherwise
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4. We let them to walk on our keyboards until the search history looks like it belongs to a crack addict
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5. 80% of our phone’s pictures are of our cats, but we don’t upload them to facebook because everyone already thinks we’re nuts
6. We can’t suppress the urge to correct ignorant people who call the female cat “him” or the male cat “her”
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7. We let ourselves be coerced into petting sessions due to this face
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8. Which inevitably escalates to this
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9. And we don’t stop until we’re allowed to
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10. We feel deeply hurt when we actually want their affection.
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11. We let them hunt every extremity on our body
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12. We let them have whatever they want, even our own precious food
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13. When we can’t get them to stop doing something bad, we just film it instead
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14. We allow disgusting things to happen for absolutely no reason
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15. We spend money on expensive cat toys, knowing they’ll only ever like strings
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16. We feel deeply ashamed when the vet scolds us for overfeeding our cats
17. We tolerate the passive aggressive retaliation when we put them on a diet
18. But eventually, we learn to embrace our cats’ new look
19. We willingly clean an animal’s fecal matter
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20. We’re more annoyed than scared when there’s a loud noise at 3 AM in the morning
21. But at least we don’t need an alarm clock anymore because 6 AM is when they decide to be fed
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22. We allow them to make going to the bathroom a social activity
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23. Mainly because keeping the doors closed leads to this:
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24. We gladly accept the fact that every piece of clothing we wear is going to be covered with cat hair
25. We feel hopeless when we realize our cat isn’t interesting enough to be famous on Youtube
26. We simultaneously regret the decision to adopt a cat while desperately wanting more cats
27. We don’t get up when there’s a cat in our lap
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28. We don’t sit down when there’s a cat in our chair
29. We try to explain to dog people why we love cats even though they’ll never understand
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30. But we don’t need them
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31. Because in the 1% of time they’re not being jerks, cats are the sweetest…
32. Cutest…
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33. Funniest…
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34. Neediest animals on the planet. Which is good, because we need them too 🙂
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